Our children need us to connect with them

badkids

We all crave those close moments with our children that make our hearts melt. Connection is as essential to us parents as it is to our children. When our relationship is strong, it’s also sweet — so we receive as much as we give. That’s what makes parenting worth all the blood, sweat and tears. Parenting is one of the toughest jobs there is and the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. Welcome their meltdowns…Sure, it’s inconvenient.  But your child needs to express his emotions or they’ll drive his behavior. So accept the meltdowns, don’t let the anger trigger you, and welcome the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you’re the one he trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it.  Afterwards, he’ll feel more relaxed, cooperative, and closer to you. (Yes, this is really, really hard. Regulating our own emotions is the hardest part of parenting. But that doesn’t mean we’re excused from trying.)

no bad kids capital quote

Connection starts with listening. Bite your tongue if you need to, except to say “Wow!….I see….Really?…How was that for you?”  The habit of seeing things from your child’s perspective will ensure that you treat her with respect and look for win/win solutions.  It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. And it will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in “fight or flight,” your child doesn’t look so much like the enemy. Just listen. Acknowledge feelings. Reassure your child that you hear her concern, and that together you’ll solve it, tomorrow. The next day, be sure to follow up. You’ll be amazed how your relationship with your child deepens.

~Stay Strong~

DarcSunshine

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7 thoughts on “Our children need us to connect with them

  1. Well said! I found the most useful quote when my kids began to reach their teens was, “never act shocked no matter what they say or do.” If you over react they wont want to confide in you again. Unconditional love means they’ll come to you for help when they are in above their heads. There is no greater reward than to be trusted with their secrets.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well written DarcSunshine. It IS one of the hardest things to do, to listen, even if your desire is to explode. That is how the parents were brought up and don’t know any different either. But if they can learn to take a few deep breaths before doing something, they will be amazed at the change within, even after only a moment or two.
    If they can just find and do that calm spot repeatedly, then so will the child. You are teaching them ‘the way’ and in doing so you will create a much calmer and easier way into the future because you have taught them ‘your’ coping strategies.
    Even though it may not seem like it, they take on those aspects of the ones they love and look up to. You explode, they explode. You calm, they calm. And that is integrated into whatever their personalities are as well 🙂
    Yes it’s complicated, but so much easier in the long run…AND you get to retrain yourself and learn to connect in a different way, positive for everyone.
    Thank you for a great share. Namaste

    Like

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